Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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