So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize