Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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