My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize