New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
