It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
