I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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