Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
