he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
