were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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