this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
