Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
