wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
