It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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