when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We left an ass print on the piano.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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