I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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