I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize