worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize