some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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