Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
