Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk is not a location!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
