we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They took my balls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
