i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize