Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize