We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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