The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
