So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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