I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
