Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The air taste purple.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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