I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
