I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
