exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
