Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
