Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
