i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
