Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
