I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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