Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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