did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
