That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well you can't waste a boner
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
