Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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