What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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