i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
