So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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