it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
