If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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