you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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