I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize