did you get engaged???
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize