so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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