I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
