i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
