dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
