what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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