Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
