Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We're using joints as your birthday candles
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
