I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
