no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
