Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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