woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
