Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
