They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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