Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
