also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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