absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
