no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
