She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
