shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
