miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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